The Brutal Truth About Self-Control and Leadership

Guys, Andy, question number two.

Andy.

Thanks.

Thank you for all the work you do.

The time, effort, energy, intent.

My life is a complete 180 now.

I went from 375 pounds to 225 pounds in two years.

I have changed my life, saved my marriage.

I can see my you know what now.

Yeah.

It's been absolutely amazing.

My coworkers have been treating me differently in a good way.

I feel better, breathe better, sleep better.

Everything has changed.

Here's my problem.

I have been noticing that I have been building some major resentment towards the people around me.

For one, because not one of those motherfuckers said anything about me being a fat, lazy piece of shit.

Secondly, and what's really bothering me is now I can't help but to look at them like fat, lazy pieces of shit for not wanting better for themselves.

I do my best to be a good man.

I'm not an asshole.

But it's getting really hard to respect the people around me when their standards are so low.

Even with seeing everything that I have achieved.

Any help working through this would be appreciated, brother.

Well, this goes back to the first question.

He's telling you right there, the second guy, how people look at people like the first guy.

That's how they fucking look at you.

People that have their shit together.

People who are winning.

People who...

quite honestly hold the fucking keys to your opportunities look at you and think that so back to the first guy you need to listen real close as far as the resentment goes no one's going to tell you you're fat bro

It doesn't happen.

And if we're being honest, had they told you you were fat, you would have cried about it.

You would have felt sorry about it.

You would have said, that guy's a fucking asshole.

And you probably would have just brushed it off as that.

So let's be real.

People don't tell the truth when it comes to that because it feels rude.

It's not rude.

The truth, that's actually kind.

It's actually a kind, hard truth.

And those things can exist together.

If you really cared about someone and you really, really, really wanted them to improve, you would tell them the things that no one else would tell them.

But we don't live in a kind world, bro.

We live in a scared world.

We live in a world where people don't want to tell people the truth.

We live in a world where people don't want to tell themselves the truth.

OK, so you can't get mad at people for not telling you.

That you were fat.

They're not going to do it.

It's not going to happen.

And can knock them for that.

And if they had, you would have fucking thought they're a piece of shit.

Yeah, right.

So you were in a different place mentally.

Then you're now you're second guessing it.

But the other part of the equation, I think, is a natural part of getting your own shit together.

You start to look at people different.

You start to see people different.

You start to understand how.

easy relatively it is to handle that part of your life and you start to look at people and think what the fuck is going on with this person that they won't take advantage of the opportunity they have to get their shit together and that's a natural reaction

But just like them to you, you don't want to walk around being like, hey, you fat fuck.

You need to get your shit together.

But that could sound differently.

You know what I'm saying?

That could sound like, hey, man, let me talk to you for a second.

Here's the deal.

I care a lot about you, dude.

And the reality is, going back to the first guy, you're 39 years old, man.

Let's go over here and look in the mirror.

You're just as wide as you are tall.

Do you think this is healthy?

Do you think this is going to provide you with a fulfilling life?

Are you happy with yourself?

Sometimes they'll say, well, yeah.

No, they're not.

They're not.

There's not a single motherfucker out here.

And this has been the biggest lie that's been told for the last fucking 15 years.

This body positivity nonsense.

There's not a single person out here that is healthy.

Three, four, 500 fucking pounds that looks in the mirror and says, I love me for me.

That's bullshit.

I've been fat, bro.

I know.

I pretended to like it.

And at the end of the day, you have to understand that about life.

No one cares about all this shit that you tell yourself.

Oh, I could do this or I could do that.

Most of the shit you can't even do.

Let's be honest.

You're telling yourself that you could still do.

If you really think you could do the shit that at 330 pounds that you could do when you were 211.

Let's see it.

I want to see it because you'll be the only motherfucker ever in history to do it.

Okay.

But yeah, dude, pulling someone aside, having a real conversation with them in a caring way can go a long way.

And they may not change at that moment, but they'll remember that when they do change.

They'll say, man, you know what?

Andy was the only motherfucker that told me anything like that.

And eventually they'll appreciate you for that.

It's like having a hard coach, right?

The coaches I hated the most growing up, now that I'm older, I look back, I'm like, man, that dude actually cared.

And I'm thankful for that.

And I appreciate it.

That's right, dude.

And I hated them during the time when they were coaching me.

So, you know, and that goes for leadership.

And a lot of people aren't mature enough to handle hard coaching because they take it personally.

But, like, dude, those people aren't built to be around winners.

That's the reality.

So, yeah.

So, yeah, man, I understand the natural way that it skews your view because I definitely have the same thing.

But here's the thing, dude.

The right people will follow.

The other people won't.

And this is what we talk about every single day about personal excellence being the ultimate rebellion.

When you hold a standard, when you live a standard, when you show people, not tell people what it looks like.

Eventually, people get tired of their own shit and they say, hey.

do you do that what are you doing can you show me what you're doing can you can you i want to get better and and when they start doing that that's when they change there's not a single person on this earth i don't care how good of a motivator they are or how good of a how much logic and and common sense and truth they bestow on someone it doesn't matter if it's me or if it's tony robbins or the greatest

speaker, motivator on the fucking planet, bro.

People will not change until they are ready to change.

So...

Present the options, be open to fucking helping them, but understand that it shouldn't drive you crazy if they do nothing.

That's their responsibility.

And your responsibility is just to live the standard and the right people will come and the wrong people will, you know, might not.

And, you know, those people will become irrelevant in your life.

Let's talk about mindset in the sense of humility too, right?

Like how important is it for this person to remember like, bro, not that long ago you were there too.

Well, I think I think that's that's the the basis of empathy around those situations.

Right.

I think, you know, dude, I really connect with people that are overweight.

Like when somebody is really heavy, I know what that's like, bro.

And I know how miserable that is.

And I know what it's like to be a prisoner in your own fucking body and literally look in the mirror and fucking hate it.

So I definitely, you know.

I empathize with that, but I also know that coddling those people ain't gonna fucking change it.

You tell them it's okay, they'll go eat a motherfucking cheeseburger and they'll say, oh, it's okay.

It's not that bad.

I'm not that bad.

I got lettuce on me.

They get six beers in and they go and look in the mirror in the fucking bar bathroom and they're like, oh, it'll look all right.

It'll look pretty good.

And they suck in.

They wear the same shirt everywhere they go.

The same outfit.

Thinking it makes them look skinny and they're fooling people.

You ain't fooling nobody, bro.

You look like shit.

You have to fucking address that.

And not only do you look like shit, you feel like shit because you know you could be controlling it, which is driving your confidence, your self-esteem, your fortitude, all your belief in yourself.

Everything that matters that brings all the good things in your life are suppressed when you're not controlling what it is that you control.

Because when you're not controlling things, you're in chaos.

When you're in chaos, you have anxiety.

When you have anxiety, you usually have a lot of stress.

When you have a lot of stress, that leads to depression.

It leads to a lack of belief in yourself.

It leads to all these other dark things.

So it starts with controlling the things that we are in control of, which are very simple things that actually dictate the majority of the quality of our life.

What you drink.

what you eat, how you move, okay, what you put in your brain, who you associate with.

These are things that you are always in control of.

And those things, when controlled, produce the best outcome that you can create for yourself.

And when you create the best outcome for yourself, you end up in a situation where other people are offering you opportunities because very clearly this person can handle their own responsibilities of self-control.

All right?

So people can lie and they can say, oh, it's okay.

You know, I'm happy at 380 pounds and this and that.

If that were true, then why the fuck are all these fat activists out here on Ozempic now?

Why have they all lost 200 pounds?

If Lizzo was so happy being a fat pig, then why the fuck is she down all this weight?

Which, by the way, congrats to her.

I think it's great.

Okay?

But they were lying to you.

And you have to understand that.

You have to understand we've been fed a lie.

It is not okay to walk around in a body, in a life that you are totally unhappy with because you refuse to control very basic things.

And when you really think about it, you're losing, you're losing in life.

to inanimate objects.

You are losing to a fucking beer, a bottle of beer.

You're losing your life to a thing that literally just has no life, no being, no energy, and it's beating you.

How fucking weak is that?

How weak is it for a pizza or a french fries or peanut butter to control your fucking life?

That's the weakest shit in the world.

Okay, so until you start controlling these things until you start getting pissed off that you're losing to inanimate objects You're not going to feel better bro And you're certainly not going to look better and you're certainly not going to get the opportunities that you could get and ultimately I I give this gentleman a lot of props for taking control of what it is But like we can't force that on people we can only show them the way so

Keep showing them, dude.

And what you're going to see, because this is a new thing for you, is if you maintain it over the course of years, almost everybody in your life will follow.

Okay.

When I lost 110 pounds in 2016, when I first started getting my shit together for real.

All of us around here, around first form, we're a little chubby.

Let's be real.

Now my brother's gotten in shape.

Now all the guys have gotten in shape.

Now my dad's lost 40 pounds.

My mom's lost 100 pounds.

Everybody in my life has gotten better because of that.

OK, and that's what will happen to you if you give it enough time.

But it's not going to happen immediately.

And you can't let it rub you raw because it'll drive you fucking crazy and distract you from what you need to do.

So just keep leading the way.

The right people will follow.

Some won't.

And, you know, two, three years from now, you're going to look around and all your friends are going to look different.

All your family is going to look different.

Everybody's going to be healthier and they're all going to be.

They might not say, hey.

You inspire me to do this.

But, dude, it's going to be very clear that what you did changed a lot of people around you.

And that's that's a very I think that's the most noble thing that we can do, especially as independent, strong people that want to lead and fix culture.

We have all these people that say, oh, I want to.

The world sucks.

Society sucks.

Well, have you looked at fucking mirror, bro?

You look just like everybody else.

You're just like everybody else.

You're not special.

You're just like them.

So when you look in the mirror and you see what you see all the way out there, can you not tie together that you're the fucking problem?

All right.

We have to fix these things in ourselves for the things in the world to fix themselves.

And it's not the government.

It's not Trump.

It's not, you know, a vote.

It's not Israel.

It's not fucking Ukraine, bro.

It's not the racial division.

It's that we all live like shit.

And if we all lived better and we...

tried harder and we lived a standard, everybody would be happier, healthier, more productive, which changes culture.

And politics is downstream from culture.

So when culture is strong, independent, non-dependent on them, the world changes.

Okay.

But that can't change until you look in the mirror and see what you think Americans should be.

That's the truth.

So

Yeah, you're setting the example, bro, and I commend you for it, but you can't get upset that people don't follow you right away.

A lot of people probably think, oh, just wait, he's going to gain it back, which is the point of, you know, you got to maintain it.

Yeah.

Well, so 2016, you lost.

Like, what was the moment for you that made you, like, fucking get with it?

Well, it all came down to I understood that me not living at two things.

One,

I wanted to win.

And I don't see anybody at the top that's fat.

Yeah.

Okay?

I don't see anybody at the top that's fat.

Period.

All right.

And I don't come from special circumstances.

So I knew I wasn't getting some sort of fucking special boost to get where I needed to go.

So I knew and I recognized that for me to get where I wanted to go, I had to be my best self.

And I think that's the biggest misconception that people have about winning and success.

You are not good enough.

I am not good enough.

None of us listening are good enough to win unless we are our absolute best.

That's how competitive this game is.

There are going to be people who handle their shit much better than you that are going to get your opportunities.

And people don't connect that.

They think, oh, that's not actually true.

It's what's on the inside that counts.

No, it's not.

The inside does count, but the outside counts too.

And when you start telling yourself it's only about the inside,

Dude, it's again, it's a lie.

It's just a fucking lie.

Robert Greene talks about this in the 48 Laws of Power.

All right.

You have to understand reality, not what you wish reality would be.

You are judged.

How you look matters.

And if you don't think so and you subscribe to the other way of thinking, you're going to be very limited in what you can do in your life.

And you're also going to end up with a lot of regrets about what could have been and how I could have lived and what could have happened and what kind of example did I set.

And those things are going to eat you up, dude.

You know, this 39-year-old guy, the first question really bothers me, dude.

That guy's fucking straight up lying to himself.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

So, yeah, man.

You got to set the example.

First question, Jocko.

I've been a fan of your work for a while.

I love the good quote unquote good mindset when adversity strikes.

And I also use your supplement products daily.

OK, I'm a 26 year old pitching coach seen as a young, bright mind with potential.

But I know potential means nothing without results.

My life has had plenty of adversity.

My father passed when I was 16.

I've lived with three learning disabilities and partial deafness and was diagnosed with a back disease that nearly ended my baseball career.

Being half Native American also shaped me.

My dad's family opposed his marriage and after his passing, their hostility drove my mom into deep depression.

In college, I battled depression, drug addiction, and nearly took my own life.

But I've been clean since January 2025.

Recently, I was let go from a job.

My fault, and I own it.

My girlfriend has been my rock through it.

But my question is, if I didn't have that support system, how do you recommend picking yourself up as an adult?

There's a little battlefield kind of mentality, which is always improve your position.

And it's something that applies to jujitsu as well.

Always improve your position.

Always improve your position.

On the battlefield, always improve your position.

It's something that clearly you can apply to your life as well.

And you have to be careful because when you get knocked down, it's very easy to focus on how far you've fallen.

And it's also equally difficult, or no, it's actually equally easy to get focused not just on the fact that you've fallen down, but it's easy to get focused on how far you have to go to get back up again.

And that's not going to help you.

But going back to this battlefield saying, if you can just focus on improving your position right now, just a little bit,

then the overwhelming nature of these events will begin to fade because you're now focused on something that you can control, something just as simple as improving your position right now.

And you've heard me say it, like, what can you do?

Well, you've heard me say, wake up early and work out.

Just do that.

Just start with that.

You've heard Admiral Craven say, make your bed.

Just get that done.

Just make your bed.

You've heard Jordan Peterson say, clean your room, right?

These are all, each one of these, it's basically the same message, right?

It's take control of what you can control and make that little thing a little bit better.

And what that gives you

Agency it gives you control it gives you personal responsibility and what that does Is it gives you ownership that that actually is extreme ownership right the the the recognition that the world does not control you is

You can't let the world control how you react, right?

The world does not control.

The world cannot control how you respond.

The world cannot control how you react to things.

You control that.

Now look, the world can throw some mayhem at you.

It can throw at you depression.

It can throw at you girlfriends dumping you and your father's passing when you're 16.

The world can throw some adversity at you for sure, but it can't control

How you respond to those things?

You do.

You control that.

And here's the thing.

Here's the most important part of this.

For me, is to know that and recognize that the support system is you.

That's the way it is.

That's the way it is always going to be.

And that might sound overwhelming.

It might sound overwhelming to hear that there is no external support system you can count on.

There's not gonna be any backup, no one's coming to rescue you.

That can seem scary.

But when you recognize that where you go and what you do and how you respond is all your choice

That is the most positive thing you can get to in the world.

That you get to decide what you do.

You don't need anybody else.

You don't need that support system.

What you need is that recognition that this is your life.

That how you respond and the way you behave are choices that you get to make.

And that's awesome.

You are the support system.

So own it and then get after it one small step at a time.

And that's where I'm at, man.

And stay clean.

Stay clean, of course.